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dj_stey_iz_ere
Average Member
United Kingdom
227 posts
Joined: Oct, 2002
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 Posted - 2003/01/10 : 07:26:52
some jokes 2 help boost that friday night up....
2 men walkin down the road 1 called paddy 1 called Murphy and paddy falls down a man hole and he says 2 murphy "QUICK CALL ME AN AMBLUANCE murphy" so murphy says "paddys an ambluance, paddys and ambluance...
same men are sat down on a bench paddy says to murphy "look at that great forest over there murphy" murphy turns round and says "i cant see it them trees are in the way"
same men walkin through a forest paddy says 2 murphy "aaawwww look a dead bird" and murphy looks in the sky and says "were? ? ? "
if u av any of ur own be sure 2 post them 
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Dont drink and drive,
smoke Weed and fly 
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Edited by - dj_stey_iz_ere on 2003/01/13 06:51:08 |
Oli G
Advanced Member
United States
1,817 posts
Joined: Oct, 2001
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Posted - 2003/01/10 : 07:50:57
heh first ones great use when u work in a bar
"can you call me a taxi... ok your a taxi"
get some groans and stupid looks tho
nm
CAM001 Out MARCH2003
Distribution Through Nu Energy & Imo
www.camelrecords.co.uk
\o/ <o/ \o> <o> /o\ _o/ \o_
__________________________________
Hardcore Underground 4 - Released October 19th
http://www.myspace.com/camelrecords
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milo
Advanced Member
Canada
3,391 posts
Joined: Sep, 2001
347 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2003/01/10 : 19:31:48
there is a hill billy family in new york city. they've enver seen such decadence before and were simply awe struck by everything they were seeing. the father and son of the family when into a skyscraper and were looking at the luxurious interior when they came to the elevators. they have never seen them before and just stared. they watched a little old lady walk into one, the numbers raise up to the top then come back down, the doors open, and this beautiful veluptuous blonde struts out. the father hill billy turns to his son and says, "Son, go get yer ma!" =)
"Everybody... rock, rock on.. "
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http://milo.happyhardcore.com
HappyHardcore.com/North American Hardcore Movement/Totally Sweet Radio/Hardcore Street Team
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fostino2000
Junior Member
United Kingdom
99 posts
Joined: Sep, 2002
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Posted - 2003/01/11 : 05:46:38
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same village. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family who all congratulated him on his retirement, thanked him for his years of service, and sent him on his way with a gift token for 100 pounds.
The second house gave him a case of fine 20 year old Scotch whisky. The people in the third house gave him a wonderful fishing rod complete with all reels and tackle.
At the fourth house a beautiful woman in a revealing negligee met him at the door. She took him by the hand, brought him in, closed the door and gently led him upstairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love making that he had ever experienced.
When he couldn't take any more, she went downstairs and prepared him a giant breakfast of sausages, eggs and bacon and a cup of freshly brewed tea. She brought the whole lot up to the bedroom and served him breakfast in bed. After he had eaten, she poured him a cup of fresh coffee. While she was pouring he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cup. "All this was too wonderful for words", he said " but what's the fiver for?"
"Well", she said, " last night I told my husband that today was your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you". He said, “F**k him. Give him a fiver.”
"The breakfast was my idea."
:-)
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Simon
Advanced Member
Belgium
5,001 posts
Joined: Dec, 2001
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Posted - 2003/01/11 : 06:11:24
quote:
Originally posted by dj_stey_iz_ere:
some jokes 2 help boost that friday night up....
2 men walkin down the road 1 called paddy 1 called john and paddy falls down a man hole and he says 2 john "QUICK CALL ME AN AMBLUANCE JOHN" so john says "paddys an ambluance, paddys and ambluance...
same men are sat down on a bench paddy says to john "look at that great forest over there john" john turns round and says "i cant see it them trees are in the way"
same men walkin through a forest paddy says 2 john "aaawwww look a dead bird" and john looks in the sky and says "were? ? ? "
Aren't they supposed to be "Paddy & Murphy Jokes" Hmmmm.
I remember one......Paddy & Murphy walking down the street Paddy fell down a hole and Murphy Cries "Paddy, Paddy is it dark down there", And Paddy says "I Dunno I Can't See" :-)
Sy.
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"...The Outsider"
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DJ Mouse
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,687 posts
Joined: Jul, 2001
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Posted - 2003/01/11 : 07:22:18
i always thought it was paddy and murphy and all? ah well here's another
paddy and murphy are both riding a horse each in the woods and they decide it's time to get some kip. paddy says to murphy "ya know,it's impossible to tell our horses apart,so chop your horse's ear so we can tell the two apart." and murphy agrees,chops his horse's ear off and goes to sleep.
in the middle of the night murphy's horse says to paddy's horse "that's not fair,you got 2 ears and i only got 1!" then bites an ear off. the horse screams and wakes murphy up and he sees what's happened. he wakes paddy up "paddy what are we gonna do? seen what's happened" to which he replies half dead "cut his tail off" zzzzzz and he does.
then murphy's horse says to paddy's horse "that's not fair,you got a tail and haven't!" then bites the tail off. the horse screams and wakes murphy up and he sees what's happened. he wakes paddy up "paddy what are we gonna do? seen what's happened" to which he replies half dead "cut a leg off" zzzzzz and he does.
and murphy's horse says to paddy's horse "that's not fair,you got 4 legs and i only got 3!" then bites a leg off. the horse screams and wakes murphy up and he sees what's happened.
murphy grabs paddy "right WAKE UP!!! whatever i chop off the horse he'll do the same to yours! what are we gonna do???"
paddy says "you take the black horse i'll take the white one"
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"Did you know that eleven plus two is an anagram of twelve plus one?"
DJ Mouse
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Simon
Advanced Member
Belgium
5,001 posts
Joined: Dec, 2001
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Posted - 2003/01/11 : 07:51:04
Oh I remember another :-)
Paddy & Murphy decided to go Shop Lifting.........Paddy got buried in the process.
Sy.
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"...The Outsider"
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dj_stey_iz_ere
Average Member
United Kingdom
227 posts
Joined: Oct, 2002
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Posted - 2003/01/12 : 01:52:34
i forgot who the 2nd person was so i just put paddy and john lol 
------------------------
Dont drink and drive,
smoke Weed and fly
__________________________________
------------------------
Dont drink and drive,
smoke Weed and fly
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DJ Mouse
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,687 posts
Joined: Jul, 2001
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Posted - 2003/01/13 : 04:46:46
paddy and murphy were ironing their curtains. paddy fell out of the window
paddy and murphy were also ironing their shirts. paddy burnt his chest
--------------------------------------------------
"Did you know that eleven plus two is an anagram of twelve plus one?"
DJ Mouse
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virus
Advanced Member
Canada
4,346 posts
Joined: May, 2001
716 hardcore releases
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 Posted - 2003/01/13 : 06:48:16
did you hear about the new pirate movie?
its rated "arrrrrrrrrrr"
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My Record Collection Can Beat Up Your Record Collection.
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dj_stey_iz_ere
Average Member
United Kingdom
227 posts
Joined: Oct, 2002
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Posted - 2003/01/13 : 06:54:23
quote:
paddy and murphy were ironing their curtains. paddy fell out of the window
paddy and murphy were also ironing their shirts. paddy burnt his chest
lol
ive changed them 2 paddy and murphy =)
------------------------
Dont drink and drive,
smoke Weed and fly
__________________________________
------------------------
Dont drink and drive,
smoke Weed and fly
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Stevie c
Advanced Member
Belgium
3,836 posts
Joined: Dec, 2002
204 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2003/01/14 : 02:42:10
Why did the monkey fall out the tree?
COS it was dead!!
Why did the second monkey fall out the tree?
COS he was tied to the first monkey!!
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree
COS he thought it was a game!!
Why did the tree fall over?
COS it thought it was a monkey!!
my favorite!! on the theme but not so good
Where do monkey's make their toast?
Under the Gorilla!!
Your into the sound of Rebellion
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me white gloves and neon sticks leave an endless trail
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Stevie c
Advanced Member
Belgium
3,836 posts
Joined: Dec, 2002
204 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2003/01/14 : 02:48:41
What's brown and sticky
A stick
What's blue and square?
An orange in disguise!!
How many christians does it take to change a light bulb?
500, only 1 to do it but the rest to share the light!!
How many girls with PMT does it take to change a light bulb?
3
Do you know why?
COS IT DOES!!!!
How do you know god is a women?
She put b*lls on th outside and she only created man cos vibr^tors can't mow the lawn
How do you confuse Paddy?
Stick him in a barrel and tell him to p*ss in the corner
Why was 6 frightened?
cos 789
Your into the sound of Rebellion
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me white gloves and neon sticks leave an endless trail
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xxhappyxx
Senior Member
United Kingdom
363 posts
Joined: Jul, 2001
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Posted - 2003/01/14 : 05:14:24
a bear walks into a bar
Barman: hiya how are you?
Bear: .....errrm.....im ok
Barman: Why the big pause?
Bear: i dunno, i was just born with them
heeheehee
'come fly my child 2 a special place, with angels in the sky, the time has come 2 fly!'
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'come fly my child 2 a special place, with angels in the sky, the time has come 2 fly!'
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DJ Mouse
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,687 posts
Joined: Jul, 2001
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Posted - 2003/01/14 : 05:50:48
how do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
scroll down
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scroll up
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"Did you know that eleven plus two is an anagram of twelve plus one?"
DJ Mouse
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Edited by - DJ Mouse on 2003/01/14 05:51:42 |
dj_stey_iz_ere
Average Member
United Kingdom
227 posts
Joined: Oct, 2002
|
Posted - 2003/01/14 : 09:21:05
a blonde was takin her family 2 the airport in her car she was a sign sayin "airport left"
so she turned round and went home
------------------------
Dont drink and drive,
smoke Weed and fly
__________________________________
------------------------
Dont drink and drive,
smoke Weed and fly
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