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Brian K
Advanced Member
United States
8,663 posts
Joined: Sep, 2001
528 hardcore releases
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 Posted - 2005/10/21 : 22:26:40
thought this was funny and would share
DJs ARE EXPERT MIND READERS
When requesting a song from the DJ, just say "play my song", or "it goes
something like this" then hum a few bars! We have a chip implanted in our
heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every patron who
ever walked into a bar & all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be vague,
we love the challenge.
If we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding.
DJs know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be
... it helps jog the memory.
If a DJ tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either
forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing
a few words for the DJ. Any words.
It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per
set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated
hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as
well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put-downs are the best
way to jog a DJ’s memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of
"Personal Friend Of The DJ."
DJs are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare for their
shows.They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do
once they arrive. A DJ's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so
don't let them off the hook easily.Your request is all that matters.
If a trance DJ had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next DJ that
follows will automatically know every trance tune the previous DJ ever
played, even if the current DJ is a house or jungle DJ. It's the law.
Feel free to yell Tupac or Biggie!! to a DJ that plays strictly house for
example.
IMPORTANT
When an DJ leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in
both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head
securely so they cannot pull away.This will be taken as an invitation to a
friendly & playful game of tug of war between their head and your hands.
Don't give up! Hang on until the DJ submits.
DJs are protected by their equipment, & only play the game
when tricked into coming out from behind their turntables. Though difficult
to get them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying. They're especially
vulnerable during mixing songs.
TALKING WITH THE DJ
The best time to discuss anything with the DJ in any meaningful way is when
he is in the mix. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny
voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. DJs are expert
lip readers too. If a DJ does not reply to your question or comment
during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in
order to read your lips.
Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to over emphasize the
words with your lips. This helps immensely.Don't be fooled.
DJs have the innate ability to answer questions & mix at the same
time. If the DJ doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless
of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are purposely
ignoring you.
If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.
HELPING THE DJ
If you inform the DJ that you are a DJ, the DJ will appreciate your
help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on
stage. Simply feel free to walk up on stage & join in. By the way, the
drunker you are, the better you sound.
Keep in mind that nothing assists the DJ more than
outrageous dancing, or a tambourine played out of tempo.
Try the congas, they love the challenge. The DJ always needs the help &
will take this as a compliment.
BONUS TIP
As a last resort, wait until the DJ takes a break and then get on stage
and start playing their records. They love this. Even if you are
ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you have
successfully completed your audition. The club owner will call you
Immediately the following day to offer you a position.
See you at the next gig ...
The DJ
__________________________________
"we'll delete the weak"
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Xenochrome
Advanced Member
United States
2,645 posts
Joined: Aug, 2002
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 Posted - 2005/10/22 : 00:02:56
You can also pour beer on thier records. DJ's (especially me) love that!
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Motion
Junior Member
New Zealand
102 posts
Joined: Aug, 2005
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Posted - 2005/10/22 : 01:24:46
Haha good read :)
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Brian K
Advanced Member
United States
8,663 posts
Joined: Sep, 2001
528 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2005/10/22 : 01:43:03
quote:
Originally posted by djnateking:
You can also pour beer on thier records. DJ's (especially me) love that!
I forgot about that =/ but you're selling your records anyway, so just make sure to back it up on cd =P
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"we'll delete the weak"
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Mortis
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
7,493 posts
Joined: May, 2004
341 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2005/10/22 : 10:02:43
Hahaha 
A thoroughly good read.
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"Maybe in a day and age in which even our rappers can't get to the end of a verse without having an existential crisis, we should find a place for happy hardcore"
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lucificifus
Advanced Member
United States
1,518 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
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Posted - 2005/10/23 : 19:42:10
hahaha so true :D
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pump tha selectah!
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JesterDJ
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,486 posts
Joined: Apr, 2003
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Posted - 2005/10/23 : 20:48:51
that was fookin classic!!!!!!!! 
loved it! I've saved a copy of that to my desktop to be printed and out brought to raves with me for future reference
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JESTER, n. An officer formerly attached to a king's household, whose business it was to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances, the absurdity being attested by his motley costume.
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