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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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 Posted - 2007/10/02 : 10:55:02
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs .
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I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes; I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends but, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. By the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Tescos. "Tescos?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Tescos?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
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Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
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THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
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:)
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SPOOX
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,644 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2007/10/02 : 12:59:45
 
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Simon
Advanced Member
Belgium
5,001 posts
Joined: Dec, 2001
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Posted - 2007/10/02 : 16:12:46
DMS, take note.
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"...The Outsider"
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2007/10/02 : 17:04:47
quote:
Originally posted by Simon:
DMS, take note.
Ouch!
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:)
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clarke101
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
3,839 posts
Joined: Jun, 2003
185 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2007/10/02 : 17:34:51
quote:
Originally posted by Simon:
DMS, take note.
That's the only remotely funny thing posted in this thread so far.
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Panda Style
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2007/10/02 : 17:58:04
quote:
Originally posted by clarke101:
quote:
Originally posted by Simon:
DMS, take note.
That's the only remotely funny thing posted in this thread so far.
Well if you dont like my jokes dont post! 
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:)
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Jay-Owen
Advanced Member
Belgium
1,437 posts
Joined: Aug, 2006
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Posted - 2007/10/02 : 19:07:28
quote:
Originally posted by kathryn:
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
I think jokes are the flavour of the month, on hhc.com
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n/a
Banned
0 posts
Joined: Sep, 2007
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Posted - 2007/10/02 : 22:24:52
And elderly couple were having breakfast when the old mans wife turns to him and says :
"My nipples are as hot for you now as they were when we got married"
The old man replies
"Im not surprised, one is in your porridge the other is in your coffee"
Might as well jump on the joke bandwagon
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2007/10/03 : 08:03:21
quote:
Originally posted by LeVzi:
And elderly couple were having breakfast when the old mans wife turns to him and says :
"My nipples are as hot for you now as they were when we got married"
The old man replies
"Im not surprised, one is in your porridge the other is in your coffee"
Might as well jump on the joke bandwagon
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:)
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HardCore Latina
Advanced Member
United States
611 posts
Joined: Sep, 2004
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Posted - 2007/10/03 : 17:07:43
Haha, and Ewww
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Lilley
Advanced Member
Australia
3,740 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2007/10/05 : 05:32:17
quote:
Originally posted by kathryn:
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run over the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
fixed. i think. its the same difference anyway
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nearly in line....
.....strange continuity problems
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Jay-Owen
Advanced Member
Belgium
1,437 posts
Joined: Aug, 2006
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Posted - 2007/10/06 : 07:44:38
quote:
Originally posted by n/a:
And elderly couple were having breakfast when the old mans wife turns to him and says :
"My nipples are as hot for you now as they were when we got married"
The old man replies
"Im not surprised, one is in your porridge the other is in your coffee"
Might as well jump on the joke bandwagon
Who banned LeVzi?
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