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Cyborgasm
Advanced Member
Canada
678 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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 Posted - 2005/04/29 : 05:07:23
Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan
of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when
needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with
the game, and you're even around in the holidays
hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're
stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.
However, lately I've been wondering about your
intentions. While I want to believe that you have my
best interests at heart, I feel that your influence
has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for
your review.
1. Phone Calls: While I agree with you that
communication is important, I question the suggestion
that any conversation of substance or necessity takes
place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those
ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they
do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone
all hours of the night?
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why
do you suggest that I eat a kabob with chili sauce,
along with a big Italian hoagie & some stale chips
(washed down with chocolate Nesquik & topped off with
a Kit Kat, all after a few cheese curls & chili cheese
fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went
too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me
that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I
see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to
fall down. It's completely unnecessary, an the black &
blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the
next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never
take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key
into the lock.
4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as
it can often clarify the last point below, but the
following costumes are banned from ever being laced on
my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros,
bows, ties, boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable
balloon animals, traffic cones, or bras. Also, what
is with you making me take pictures with people I
clearly don't like when I'm sober, yet they suddenly
become my best friends when a flash is presented?
5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from
somewhere, I most likely do not. Please do not request
that I go over & see if in fact, I do actually know
that person. The phrase "Let's F***" is
illegal from now on. While I may be thinking this,
please reinstate the brain-to-mouth-block that would
stop this thought from becoming a statement,
especially in public. Please stop me from talking to
girl with the crooked teeth, acned-up face,
bad breath, beer belly, etc. Why are they so appealing
to me while I'm with you & why are they so disgusting
to me the next morning after you have worn off??
6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This
is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for
our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but
the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely
unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if
the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B,
bread products, aspirin)prior to going to bed/passing
out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of
popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way
interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that matter) activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years
now & would like to ensure that we remain on good
terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the
provocation for much laughter, and the needed
companion when I just don't know what to do with the
extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this
friendship, I ask that you carefully review my
grievances above & address them immediately. I
will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3 p.m.
(pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions &
hopefully we can continue this fruitful
partnership.
Thank you, from your biggest fan.
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cotteincandy
Average Member
United States
193 posts
Joined: Sep, 2004
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 Posted - 2005/04/29 : 05:20:03
hahahaha :) That is awsum
Hello, I love you.
__________________________________
Hello, I love you.
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HardCore Latina
Advanced Member
United States
611 posts
Joined: Sep, 2004
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Posted - 2005/04/29 : 05:57:47
 That's great !
[[Come into my dream..let me show you where I've been...]]
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swansea247
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,626 posts
Joined: May, 2004
41 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2005/04/29 : 06:29:33
errr whats a 'kebob' 
Six days on the run, Looking for a place to have some fun..... 
swansea247.com... coming soon to a computer near you!
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B.C
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,747 posts
Joined: Jul, 2002
35 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2005/04/29 : 11:32:35
lmao!
"Let's All Get Down!!"
__________________________________
"The music was like new, black, polished chrome
that came over the summer like liquid night"
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Entity
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,329 posts
Joined: Jul, 2003
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Posted - 2005/04/29 : 12:24:50
quote:
Originally posted by swansea247:
errr whats a 'kebob'
Kebab mate, that's what they call it over the "pond" because they're useless ;o)
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mark-ireland
Advanced Member
Ireland
1,667 posts
Joined: Jan, 2004
17 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2005/04/29 : 12:36:30
 Brilliant.
------------------------------
We will not compromise quality for popularity amongst the minority.
http://www.irishhardcore.co.nr
__________________________________
Oxygen Records Support Irish Hardcore Click Below
http://downloads.imorecords.com/label/?id=270
http://www.irishclubbing.net
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2005/04/29 : 13:23:49
chill out and take some hash coz excy's out 2get ****in mashed!!
__________________________________
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
------------------------------
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SixFeet
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,285 posts
Joined: Jan, 2005
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Posted - 2005/04/29 : 20:24:18
thats great and kebabs are minted
BOO!
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No single raindrop ever blames themselves for the flood...
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htidraver
Starting Member
United Kingdom
19 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2005/04/30 : 19:32:41
Dear biggest fan,
Although yes what you said is true without me you wouldn't be thinking you look like Bad Pitt in front of women and provide hours of entertainment for whatever occasion within your social group or just by yourself.However who has the last laugh when such a person as yourself cannot say the following;
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
Yours Sincerely,
Alcohol
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Charco
Advanced Member
Ireland
1,979 posts
Joined: Nov, 2001
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Posted - 2005/04/30 : 19:39:29
----------------------------
Hello old chap, Ready for another one? Yes, ok.
http://www.acidplanet.com/artist.asp?songs=230636&T=6205
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26 and 6 = 1.
Unity and Peace
Go Here: http://www.ionosphere.co.uk or here: http://www.sbthq.net . Happy? You should be!! And of course: My tunes: http://www.acidplanet.com/artist.asp?songs=230636&T=6580
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Stony McTony
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
534 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2005/05/02 : 01:25:27
heh this is actually the best post ever, right in so many ways! actually love this
Theres nothing wrong with the boat those big holes help keep our feet cool.
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Theres nothing wrong with the boat those big holes help keep our feet cool.
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moggy
New Member
Australia
39 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2005/05/02 : 17:01:38
this sounds like mrs palmer!  
just 1 wrong move with drugs your dead clear and simple!
__________________________________
just 1 wrong move with drugs your dead clear and simple!
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moggy
New Member
Australia
39 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2005/05/02 : 17:03:16
let me shake your long hand  
just 1 wrong move with drugs your dead clear and simple!
__________________________________
just 1 wrong move with drugs your dead clear and simple!
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