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Trimms
Senior Member
United States
494 posts
Joined: Aug, 2008
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 Posted - 2009/01/05 : 02:45:28
Hello, here is a track I made. I still need to do a few vocal bits of my own but my friend Lauren laid down the important stuff.
Download: http://www.mediafire.com/?tmjtzblnzjn
Lyrics:
It was always one big game
A game I never played
Of lies, deceit, and countless smiles
Faked throughout the days
You saw the pain you could not feel
But assumed I was okay
Plunged a knife into my arm and
Hoped the pain would fade away
Cross the shores to distant lands
An attempt to hide from you
Running from my biggest fear
That I knew I'd see you soon
Just the name, three syllables, it seems
Like death is not that bad
An escape from hell on Earth
A suicide I'll never have
This song is truth from start to end
As I write the tears flow again
Waking up just to see you
I hoped to impress you too
And my brain says I'm all wrong
This was coming all along
But my heart is filled with hate
Fueled by the love I have for you
Your name carved into my skin
A scar of eternal sin
I regret the things I've done
If I'd not lost but only won
Yes, I write emo hardcore (emocore?). I'm not going to lie, there's nothing like it in dance, on such a personal level (I pride myself on that).
It's part of my upcoming album, which is a concept album about my fall into depression, blah blah, I've posted about it before in the Hardcore section.
But yeah, there we go... Raping My Mind. Still a bit to add in - some of my own invective shout-outs, and some Neon Genesis Evangelion snippits, and it'll be done, but I'd like some post-production feedback.
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www.myspace.com/djtrimms
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DJ_FunDaBounce
Advanced Member
Colombia
2,085 posts
Joined: Nov, 2001
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Posted - 2009/01/05 : 03:16:01
I'd actually recommend some pre-production on the work. The vocals need reworking in my opinion.they seem to repeat the same melody line 98% of the time. after the 2 min mark the underlying melody seems to not evolve at all(I'd fix that too).
going back to the vocals, try and get em down right so you don't have to overprocess them with the auto tune.
still, tbh, I thought it'd be worse. :P
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"Fun with a capital F-D-B!"
http://www.brightspeedrecordings.com/
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Trimms
Senior Member
United States
494 posts
Joined: Aug, 2008
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Posted - 2009/01/05 : 03:19:17
quote:
Originally posted by DJ_FunDaBounce:
I'd actually recommend some pre-production on the work. The vocals need reworking in my opinion.they seem to repeat the same melody line 98% of the time. after the 2 min mark the underlying melody seems to not evolve at all(I'd fix that too).
going back to the vocals, try and get em down right so you don't have to overprocess them with the auto tune.
still, tbh, I thought it'd be worse. :P
Thanks man.
Yeah, I found that with the vocal line too, the melody is the same thing for 6 of the 8 phrases in each verse. At the 2 minute mark the bassline doesn't change at all. It stays on dominant note, mainly because I wanted to contrast and not do the same thing twice. I might make it so it doesn't evolve the first half of the verse, but then goes into the progression for the 2nd half, which could be quite dramatic.
As for the autotune, I will probably just turn it down. The vocals were almost 100% in tune but I wanted to make them perfect so I autotuned them at the highest level. Thanks for the feedback though. I will be going back and making some changes.
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www.myspace.com/djtrimms
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Vitalism
Advanced Member
Canada
1,707 posts
Joined: Oct, 2005
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Posted - 2009/01/05 : 03:21:17
not bad for a new member at all.
better than i could do anyway, and better than a lot of other poop i've heard on here.
i have to say that it could use more work, but i was actually surprised because i was expecting something much worse.
cheers dude
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TypeR
Advanced Member
Unknown
2,633 posts
Joined: Feb, 2003
55 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2009/01/05 : 03:37:16
quote:
Originally posted by Vitalism:
not bad for a new member at all.
better than i could do anyway, and better than a lot of other poop i've heard on here.
i have to say that it could use more work, but i was actually surprised because i was expecting something much worse.
cheers dude
remember though, just because they are a new member doesn't mean they are new to hardcore per say.
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All Your Bass Are Belong To Us
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Trimms
Senior Member
United States
494 posts
Joined: Aug, 2008
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Posted - 2009/01/05 : 03:43:39
quote:
Originally posted by TypeR:
quote:
Originally posted by Vitalism:
not bad for a new member at all.
better than i could do anyway, and better than a lot of other poop i've heard on here.
i have to say that it could use more work, but i was actually surprised because i was expecting something much worse.
cheers dude
remember though, just because they are a new member doesn't mean they are new to hardcore per say.
I started listening to it in July. Compared to most people around here... I am a hardcore n00b!! (Which was the original title of my album before I realized it was far more serious than that.)
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www.myspace.com/djtrimms
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DJ_FunDaBounce
Advanced Member
Colombia
2,085 posts
Joined: Nov, 2001
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Posted - 2009/01/05 : 04:07:17
quote:
Originally posted by TypeR:
quote:
Originally posted by Vitalism:
not bad for a new member at all.
better than i could do anyway, and better than a lot of other poop i've heard on here.
i have to say that it could use more work, but i was actually surprised because i was expecting something much worse.
cheers dude
remember though, just because they are a new member doesn't mean they are new to hardcore per say.
you have a point there TypeR. I must say though, the excess "poop" on the net just makes me a bit cautious when hitting download on all those links floating on production forums.
__________________________________
"Fun with a capital F-D-B!"
http://www.brightspeedrecordings.com/
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Edited by - DJ_FunDaBounce on 2009/01/07 01:34:35 |
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