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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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 Posted - 2009/08/17 : 22:55:25
Abdul's waiting at a bus stop busting for a shit and can't hold it any longer so drops his pants and curls one out on the pavement. Bus arrives Abdul asks driver: 'how much to Bradford?' driver replies: '£2.70 for you and £1.50 for the nipper'
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/08/17 : 23:02:37
Think ur having a Bad Day?? Imagine this: Ur a siamese twin joined at the hip...Ur brother is gay & ur not! His lover is coming over & u only have one arse!!
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leham89
Average Member
United Kingdom
217 posts
Joined: May, 2009
59 hardcore releases
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 Posted - 2009/08/17 : 23:03:37
lmao
u legend!
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Jester MC
Senior Member
Canada
284 posts
Joined: May, 2008
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Posted - 2009/08/17 : 23:04:16
second one made me laugh...gonna think of one worthy of posting....
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/08/17 : 23:07:00
2 women on their way back from a night out stop in a graveyard for a piss. 1 wipes her fanny with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath. Their 2 husbands were in the pub the next day. 1 says, "I'd better watch my wife. She came home last night with no knickers on." The other man says, "That's **** all, mine had a card wedged in her arse saying, We'll never forget you. From all the boys at the firestation.
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/08/17 : 23:13:31
A girl asks her doctor "how many calories are in cum?" the Doctor replys, "Honey, if you swallow, nobody cares if your fat"
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leham89
Average Member
United Kingdom
217 posts
Joined: May, 2009
59 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2009/08/17 : 23:14:04
actually lol at that one!
keep em comig
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J@yk@y
Starting Member
United Kingdom
9 posts
Joined: Aug, 2009
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Posted - 2009/08/18 : 18:06:57
Whats the difference between my jokes and my penis?
Nobody laughs at my jokes.
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/08/18 : 19:11:39
In the sleepy village of Erbum near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire, lives a woman called Linda Lykes. She is the land-lady of the local pub, The Cockwell Inn. For some unknown reason, she gets embarrassed whenever she receives her post:
Linda Lykes
The Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet
Herts
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/08/18 : 19:13:31
Not every Flower can say Love. But a Rose can.
Not every Plant survives Thirst. But a Cactus can.
Not every Retard can Read ... But look at you having a go!
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
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Posted - 2009/08/18 : 19:16:47
Hippy on a bus, sees a nun & goes over & asks her to have sex, nun says shes married to god & gets off the bus. The bus driver says if you want sex with her she goes to the graveyard every nite at 12, just dress up as God... Hippy goes to the graveyard that nite dressed as god, sees the nun & says "i'm God, i want sex" nun says ok, but asks for anal as she wants to keep her virginity. So they go ahead & when they finish the Hippy says "ahaa I'm the Hippy!" the nun replys "ahaa i'm the bus driver!"
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/08/18 : 19:18:50
Boy lost job in chip shop. Dad goes to find out why. Owner says "I found him with a potato peeler up his arse" Dad says "may I see the potato peeler?" owner replied "No I fired him as well!"
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Lorenzo.Tweakn
Advanced Member
United States
1,327 posts
Joined: Apr, 2009
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Posted - 2009/08/18 : 20:07:25
this trend might have made my day..
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J@yk@y
Starting Member
United Kingdom
9 posts
Joined: Aug, 2009
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Posted - 2009/08/18 : 22:35:18
I never do well with women, they always want to hug, cuddle and pillow talk after sex.
I just like to slam the boot shut, and push the car into the river.
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Lilley
Advanced Member
Australia
3,740 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2009/08/19 : 13:39:32
Police in London found a bomb outside a mosque.
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care...
One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.
During an overnight lashing by high winds an African family in Birmingham was killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham Council said 'We didn't even know they were living up there'.
Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there is not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown five times a week now.
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger-haired kid, with two friends?
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers like Bose," he told me.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he Was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... They are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
Whaddya call a Maori wearing a suit?
The defendant
What's the fastest thing on 2 wheels?
A Jew riding through Germany on a pushbike.
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nearly in line....
.....strange continuity problems
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/08/19 : 15:40:31
quote:
Originally posted by Lilley:
Police in London found a bomb outside a mosque.
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care...
One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.
During an overnight lashing by high winds an African family in Birmingham was killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham Council said 'We didn't even know they were living up there'.
Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there is not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown five times a week now.
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger-haired kid, with two friends?
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers like Bose," he told me.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he Was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... They are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
Whaddya call a Maori wearing a suit?
The defendant
What's the fastest thing on 2 wheels?
A Jew riding through Germany on a pushbike.
some good ones in here, nicked a few lol
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