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Smoogie
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,504 posts
Joined: Mar, 2006
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 Posted - 2010/09/14 : 00:11:16
an Englishman, a Scotsman & Irishman are driving through the desert & their car bracks down so they have to walk the rest of the way. Tjhe group decide to take stuff from the car to help them along the way.
'I tell you what, chaps,' says the English mand with a Huge Grant accent 'I will take the water so we will have something to drink when we get firsty'
'Aye,' says the Scotsman with a feirce Glaswegan accent '& I will take tha boonet so we have shelter during the night!'
'and I' says the Irishman with a Ronan Keating accent 'will take the car door so when it gets hot I can wind the window down!'
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an Englishman, a Scotsman & Irishman are at battle with the French & decide that they should scare the French away in order to protect the land.
An English man runs to the front of the battle line & shouts 'Earthquake!' and some of the French run away!
A Scotsman runs to the front of the battle line & shouts 'Hurricane!' and more of the French run away!
A Irishman runs to the front of the battle line & shouts 'Fire!' & the remaining French start shooting at everyone!
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an Englishman, a Scotsman & Irishman go to a brothel & each one goes with a hooker who says that she will give them what ever they ask for but as there is only one bed they will have to take it in turns.
The Englishman takes his turn first & says 'Blowjob' and gets a good BJ off the first hooker.
Next the Scotsman goes with the second hooker & says 'Doggy style' & gives it to her doggy style
By the time the Irishman has a go the bed is wonkey & he gets onto the bed with the third hooker. Just as he is about to ask for something the bed breaks & they fall to the floor and he then says 'Shit!'
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JustIncredible
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United Kingdom
599 posts
Joined: Feb, 2008
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 01:37:00
Why don't they ever mention a Welshman in these kind of jokes?
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acidfluxxbass
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United Kingdom
5,000 posts
Joined: Apr, 2008
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 07:08:41
the welsh are the funniest of the lot.
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Meathead
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
4,217 posts
Joined: Sep, 2006
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 07:55:56
quote:
Originally posted by JustIncredible:
Why don't they ever mention a Welshman in these kind of jokes?
The Welsh are a joke within themselves
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"Music creates order out of chaos; for rhythm imposes unanimity upon the divergent, melody imposes continuity upon the disjointed, and harmony imposes compatibility upon the incongruous." -Sir Yehudi Menuhin
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 08:29:34
quote:
Originally posted by Smoogie:
an Englishman, a Scotsman & Irishman are driving through the desert & their car bracks down so they have to walk the rest of the way. Tjhe group decide to take stuff from the car to help them along the way.
'I tell you what, chaps,' says the English mand with a Huge Grant accent 'I will take the water so we will have something to drink when we get firsty'
'Aye,' says the Scotsman with a feirce Glaswegan accent '& I will take tha boonet so we have shelter during the night!'
'and I' says the Irishman with a Ronan Keating accent 'will take the car door so when it gets hot I can wind the window down!'
---------------------------------------
an Englishman, a Scotsman & Irishman are at battle with the French & decide that they should scare the French away in order to protect the land.
An English man runs to the front of the battle line & shouts 'Earthquake!' and some of the French run away!
A Scotsman runs to the front of the battle line & shouts 'Hurricane!' and more of the French run away!
A Irishman runs to the front of the battle line & shouts 'Fire!' & the remaining French start shooting at everyone!
--------------------------------------
an Englishman, a Scotsman & Irishman go to a brothel & each one goes with a hooker who says that she will give them what ever they ask for but as there is only one bed they will have to take it in turns.
The Englishman takes his turn first & says 'Blowjob' and gets a good BJ off the first hooker.
Next the Scotsman goes with the second hooker & says 'Doggy style' & gives it to her doggy style
By the time the Irishman has a go the bed is wonkey & he gets onto the bed with the third hooker. Just as he is about to ask for something the bed breaks & they fall to the floor and he then says 'Shit!'
Anyone got any good jokes
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Smoogie
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United Kingdom
6,504 posts
Joined: Mar, 2006
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 09:15:18
quote:
Originally posted by Wilky:
Anyone got any good jokes
You want more?
A new teacher is at school and goes around asking what the children's names are. She comes across a pretty girl and asks what her name is 'my name is Blossom' says the girl 'oh that is a pretty name says the teacher, how come your parents called you Blossom?' she asks 'because,' says Blossom 'when I was younger in my pram I was under a tree a leaves fell on me so my parents called me Blossom'
Next the teacher comes across another pretty girl and asks her name 'My name is Petal,' says the girl 'oh that is a pretty name says the teacher, how come your parents called you Petal?' she asks 'because,' says Petal 'when I was younger in my pram I was under a tree a leaves fell on me so my parents called me Petal'
Next the teacher comes across a really ugly girl 'oh,' says the teacher 'whats your name?' she asks nervously 'Freeze block!' replys the girl
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Wilky
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United Kingdom
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Joined: Mar, 2008
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 Posted - 2010/09/14 : 10:54:23
quote:
Originally posted by Smoogie:
quote:
Originally posted by Wilky:
Anyone got any good jokes
You want more?
A new teacher is at school and goes around asking what the children's names are. She comes across a pretty girl and asks what her name is 'my name is Blossom' says the girl 'oh that is a pretty name says the teacher, how come your parents called you Blossom?' she asks 'because,' says Blossom 'when I was younger in my pram I was under a tree a leaves fell on me so my parents called me Blossom'
Next the teacher comes across another pretty girl and asks her name 'My name is Petal,' says the girl 'oh that is a pretty name says the teacher, how come your parents called you Petal?' she asks 'because,' says Petal 'when I was younger in my pram I was under a tree a leaves fell on me so my parents called me Petal'
Next the teacher comes across a really ugly girl 'oh,' says the teacher 'whats your name?' she asks nervously 'Freeze block!' replys the girl
I did say good jokes
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Smoogie
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United Kingdom
6,504 posts
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 11:24:53
quote:
Originally posted by Wilky:
I did say good jokes
Why did Captain Hook cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop! 
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FingazMc
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,761 posts
Joined: Mar, 2001
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 11:32:33
quote:
Originally posted by Smoogie:
quote:
Originally posted by Wilky:
I did say good jokes
Why did Captain Hook cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop!
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because he coudn't get his knob out of the chicken!
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Lilley
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Australia
3,740 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 13:10:57
Why couldn't the baby get on the bus?
Because it had a pole through it's head.
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nearly in line....
.....strange continuity problems
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Lilley
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Australia
3,740 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 13:13:46
Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon to school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her.
She started to guess what was inside. "Chocolates?" she asked.
"Nope."
"A Cake?"
Johnny shook his head No.
Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box. She caught a few drops on her finger, put the finger in her mouth then said, "Ah, I know-dill pickles."
"No," Johnny said, "it's a puppy."
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Lilley
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Australia
3,740 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 13:16:17
What's worse than finding ten dead babies in a bin?
Finding a dead baby in ten bins.
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Last one:
How do you know when your sister has had her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
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nearly in line....
.....strange continuity problems
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Smoogie
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United Kingdom
6,504 posts
Joined: Mar, 2006
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 13:52:40
Four people in a car in Liverpool with no music playing. Who's drving?
The police
What do some girls in Liverpool use for protection when they have sex?
A bus shelter
Why don't some girls in Liverpool use protection when they have sex?
Beacuse all the bus shelters have been smashed up
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Lilley
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Australia
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 15:32:18
quote:
Originally posted by Smoogie:
What do some girls in Liverpool use for protection when they have sex?
A bus shelter
Why don't some girls in Liverpool use protection when they have sex?
Beacuse all the bus shelters have been smashed up
didn't you post those same ones a few weeks ago?
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Smoogie
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United Kingdom
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 15:36:42
quote:
Originally posted by Lilley:
quote:
Originally posted by Smoogie:
What do some girls in Liverpool use for protection when they have sex?
A bus shelter
Why don't some girls in Liverpool use protection when they have sex?
Beacuse all the bus shelters have been smashed up
didn't you post those same ones a few weeks ago?
Might have done... Can't remember lol
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Meathead
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United Kingdom
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Posted - 2010/09/14 : 18:45:03
quote:
Originally posted by Smoogie:
Four people in a car in Liverpool with no music playing. Who's drving?
The police
What do some girls in Liverpool use for protection when they have sex?
A bus shelter
Why don't some girls in Liverpool use protection when they have sex?
Beacuse all the bus shelters have been smashed up
What does smoogie use for protection when he has sex?
A glove
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"Music creates order out of chaos; for rhythm imposes unanimity upon the divergent, melody imposes continuity upon the disjointed, and harmony imposes compatibility upon the incongruous." -Sir Yehudi Menuhin
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