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latininxtc
Advanced Member
United States
7,307 posts
Joined: Feb, 2006
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 Posted - 2009/03/02 : 07:44:21
i gots a real dirty one so if u r offended, too bad so sad.
there was this guy and his girlfriend in her apartment. the guy is a real amateur when i comes to sex and the girl is an expert and knows all the freaky stuff. they start making out in the couch and start getting aroused.
the gf asks her bf "do u wanna try a 69?" the bf asks "what's that?" the gf tells him they should go 2 the bedroom and they do and they get naked and lay on the bed.
the gf tells the bf "now all u do is put your head between my legs and i'll put my head between your legs, and you'll figure it out." so they do just that. after a few minutes the gf farts (breaks wind) and the guy pulls his head back and says "eww that's disgusting!"
the gf giggles and apologizes. she then tells him 2 put his head back in there, and so he does. a few minutes later she farts again!
this time the bf gets up and starts putting on his clothes. the gf, startled, asks "what's wrong??? y r u getting ready to leave???"
then the bf says "if you think i'm going to wait for 67 more of those you gotta be bulls**tting me!!!"
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Triquatra
Moderator
United Kingdom
12,637 posts
Joined: Nov, 2003
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 08:44:42
quote:
Originally posted by Lilley:
just guessing i would say it has a monty pythonesque look about it.
*ding* 10 points! but does anyone know the sketch? :P
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 08:49:08
A man walks into the doctors and says: 'Doctor I've got a real problem, I think my wife's dead?'
So the doctor says 'Well what makes you think your wife's dead sir?'
The man replies 'Well the sex is the same, but the Ironing piling up!'
Paddy walks into a pub asks the barman for a pint and one for the guy with the black eye in the corner. The man in the corner says "I don't have a black eye?" Paddy says "You will if you don't pay for this drink!"
What's the difference between a Pizza and a Jew?
The pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven.
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SPOOX
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,644 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 10:43:27
quote:
Originally posted by latininxtc:
i gots a real dirty one so if u r offended, too bad so sad.
there was this guy and his girlfriend in her apartment. the guy is a real amateur when i comes to sex and the girl is an expert and knows all the freaky stuff. they start making out in the couch and start getting aroused.
the gf asks her bf "do u wanna try a 69?" the bf asks "what's that?" the gf tells him they should go 2 the bedroom and they do and they get naked and lay on the bed.
the gf tells the bf "now all u do is put your head between my legs and i'll put my head between your legs, and you'll figure it out." so they do just that. after a few minutes the gf farts (breaks wind) and the guy pulls his head back and says "eww that's disgusting!"
the gf giggles and apologizes. she then tells him 2 put his head back in there, and so he does. a few minutes later she farts again!
this time the bf gets up and starts putting on his clothes. the gf, startled, asks "what's wrong??? y r u getting ready to leave???"
then the bf says "if you think i'm going to wait for 67 more of those you gotta be bulls**tting me!!!"
 Nice one!!!!!
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SPOOX
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,644 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 10:44:52
quote:
Originally posted by Wilky:
A man walks into the doctors and says: 'Doctor I've got a real problem, I think my wife's dead?'
So the doctor says 'Well what makes you think your wife's dead sir?'
The man replies 'Well the sex is the same, but the Ironing piling up!'
Paddy walks into a pub asks the barman for a pint and one for the guy with the black eye in the corner. The man in the corner says "I don't have a black eye?" Paddy says "You will if you don't pay for this drink!"
What's the difference between a Pizza and a Jew?
The pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven.
Keep em coming.
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atomsk
Advanced Member
United States
1,660 posts
Joined: Jan, 2009
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 14:48:03
got 2 of them
the 2nd one is nasty so dont read it unless you read the whole thing
1.
A fat woman walks into a bar. She walks to the center of the bar and lifts her arm revealing a hairy armpit.
She points at everyone in the bar.
"Any of you lads going to buy me a drink then?"
A drunk, who had been sitting in the corner of the bar, shouts
"I'll buy the ballerina a drink"
The barman pours the lady a drink and she gulps it down. Again she raises her arm and points.
"Any of you lads going to buy me a drink?"
Again the drunk shouts
"I'll buy the ballerina a drink"
The man who had been sitting just a few seats away turns to the drunk and says
"Why do you keep calling her that?"
The drunk stares at him in disbelief before finally saying
"My friend, any woman who can get her leg up that high must be a ballerina!"
2.
A koala bear wandered into a whorehouse and found a sleeping prostitute. The bear crawled up on her and started licking her privates.
The woman woke up and was a little freaked out to see a bear licking her, but she decided it felt pretty good and she let the bear continue.
The koala kept going and eventually mounted the prostitute, has a great old time, and then walked toward the door. The prostitute got up and shouted at the bear, "Hey, you have to pay for that!"
The koala shrugged.
"No, you don't understand." she said to the bear, "I'm a pro-sti-tute. PRO-STI-TUTE. I get paid for having sex!"
The koala stared blankly.
"Look, right here." The prostitute grabbed a dictionary and showed the koala the definition. "Says right here, 'Prostitute: One who is paid for sexual services.'
The koala looked at the book, then flipped the pages back to "Koala" and showed her the definition:
"Australian marsupial that eats shoots and leaves."
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Quicksilver
Advanced Member
Sweden
2,545 posts
Joined: Jul, 2007
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 14:58:12
A polar bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pineapple juice......................... on the rocks"
The barman replies, "Why the big pause?"
"I don't know" says the polar bear. "I've always had them"
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atomsk
Advanced Member
United States
1,660 posts
Joined: Jan, 2009
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 15:08:40
quote:
Originally posted by Quicksilver:
A polar bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pineapple juice......................... on the rocks"
The barman replies, "Why the big pause?"
"I don't know" says the polar bear. "I've always had them"
that was corny, but funny
mabe say that as a cute joke to a girl, to get a small laugh
i might use it =D
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DJ-Intensity
Advanced Member
United States
1,903 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 20:36:32
Why did the pencil scribble on the ruler ?
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Wilky
Banned
United Kingdom
6,198 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 20:40:31
quote:
Originally posted by DJ-Intensity:
Why did the pencil scribble on the ruler ?
Do tell
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DJ-Intensity
Advanced Member
United States
1,903 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 21:14:10
quote:
Originally posted by Wilky:
quote:
Originally posted by DJ-Intensity:
Why did the pencil scribble on the ruler ?
Do tell
The pencil got so angry and took its frustration out on the ruler by scribbling all over it.
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DJ Intensity.
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latininxtc
Advanced Member
United States
7,307 posts
Joined: Feb, 2006
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 22:04:50
got another dirty one!
There's a teenager that has a girl over at his parent's house. they live in a small 2 bedroom house and this guy has 2 share bunk beds with his 8 year old brother. they start making out on the couch and work their way in his bedroom. they got on his bunk bed, which is on top.
so they start wondering how they r gonna have sex without waking up his little brother at the bottom. then they decide that every time that his girlfriend wants to be on top, she'll yell out lettuce. everytime he wants to get on top, he'll yell out tomato.
so all night long they are yelling out "lettuce! tomato! lettuce! tomato!"
a few hours later they get loud enough to wake up his little brother at the bottom of the bunk bed and gets up and yells at them, "why don't you go and make your sandwiches somewhere else!!! you're getting mayonnaise all over my face!!!"
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DJ-Intensity
Advanced Member
United States
1,903 posts
Joined: Mar, 2008
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 22:53:21
There was a race between a car and a motorbike the car says I'll beat you bike.
The motorbike said haha I beat you by a distance.
The car was so sad so he asked for another race and got beat again so the Motorbike rider said get lost you're not worth it.
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Quicksilver
Advanced Member
Sweden
2,545 posts
Joined: Jul, 2007
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Posted - 2009/03/02 : 23:50:07
Haha I love those pointless jokes, Intensity! :D
I got a dirty one:
The old man always insisted on having sex with the lights turned off. After 15 years of doing it in the dark, the old wife turns on the lights suddenly and notices that her man is penetrating her with a dildo. She shouts to him:
- Have you used this all these years? Explain yourself!
- Yes I have.... but if you explain the kids, I'll explain the dildo...
Got one you'd like Intensity:
What's little, green, eats rocks and lives underground?
The little green rock eater.
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My SOUNDCLOUD
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Edited by - Quicksilver on 2009/03/02 23:51:40 |
Kisstasy
Average Member
Canada
236 posts
Joined: Jan, 2009
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Posted - 2009/03/03 : 00:03:03
quote:
Originally posted by Quicksilver:
Haha I love those pointless jokes, Intensity! :D
I got a dirty one:
The old man always insisted on having sex with the lights turned off. After 15 years of doing it in the dark, the old wife turns on the lights suddenly and notices that her man is penetrating her with a dildo. She shouts to him:
- Have you used this all these years? Explain yourself!
- Yes I have.... but if you explain the kids, I'll explain the dildo...
Got one you'd like Intensity:
What's little, green, eats rocks and lives underground?
The little green rock eater.
LOL!
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